my bullshit CNY

I'm not in the mood of celebrating Chinese New Year. I still in my stay place in PJ. I feel this CNY is coming so sudden, I'm not yet ready for it. That's so many things I need to settle now, so many worries here and there. I can't concentrate while doing things.

Today is the the day where I suppose to have my reunion dinner with my family members. But don't know why I feel reluctant to go home, don't want to have CNY this year. Weird huh? The trauma are back, I don't feel good. It's quite sad to recall it and my recent dreams is really disturbing. I don't know why I keep having weird dreams. In these dreams, I was always crying sadly, so so sad. When I wake up, these feeling was still with me. I can feel the sadness, nearly to those depression sadness.(I think)

New year clothes I did bought some during 2009 year end & x'mas sales. I didn't bought any red colour shirt. I don't really like red colour, I prefer blue or green. Therefore, most of my new shirts are these two colours.

For this year CNY, I did lou yu sang this monday in MidValley TMC, received a card from Kelly C, have a mandarin orange(steal it from Tessa T) and received some greeting messages from friends via Facebook/SMS. So far that's all. I don't have much expectation on CNY this year, I know angpao $$ is around that amount, almost the same every year. This year at first I planned to have my CNY in Penang, but at last I pulled out. Reason is I don't feel like going =.=

For the first 2-3 days of CNY, according to our family culture we will visit some relatives. Seremban, Sendayan, Seputeh & Salak Selatan, that's all. From this year onwards, I will not able to see my 2nd grandaunt. She passed away last year March, I will miss her. She's the one who always give positive encouragement to me :(

For the rest of the days, most probably I will hide in my room and be lazy. That's all. How ah? Now I still at PJ, seriously I don't feel like want to go home. You all might think something with me, but I don't think so. I don't feel bad you know? So sien.. CNY is really causing pressure to me la.. I don't like CNY, what so great of CNY? It was just a date on a calendar, for me it makes no difference. It's just another day.

When I think of I have to sit for my mid-sem tests right after the 1 week holiday, even worst.. Just have my early breakfast just now, now I'm full and can't sleep. Well, another year gone.

p/s: this is a bullshit post.